hey, hello, hi!
To any women in STEM it’s no secret that navigating a male dominated sector is tough to say the least. The constant lack of confidence and Imposter Syndrome is overbearing at times. The overanalysing of literally everything is draining. The stereotypes associated with being a women in STEM where even if you finally break into the industry, you don’t fit the stereotype enough to be taken seriously. Even down to how horrendously unaccommodating STEM industries are for female employees. There are certainly no shortages in reasons why there is such a huge lack of women in STEM. I feel lucky (or stupid at times) that I had the determination to go into the engineering sector despite the adversity that is so clearly faced by so many women. There is however, still a huge wealth of words of wisdom I’d now pass on to my younger self, or other aspiring young women in STEM.
- Don’t let your lack of confidence stop you from taking opportunities
Your lack of confidence, at times, will hold you back. But you’ll be pleased to know that won’t always be the case. You will learn that with taking risks and saying yes comes confidence. It’s going to be hard and you are going to want to say no with every cell in your body but in the end, the only thing you’ll regret is missed opportunity. One thing that will get you through the tough times is remembering “If you weren’t capable, the opportunity would have never come your way”. The universe has a wonderful way of only presenting you with opportunities that are right for you in that moment.
“If you weren’t capable, the opportunity would have never come your way”
- It’s okay to be academic
Navigating teenage life on top of being academic is going to be difficult at times. You will meet people who try to embarrass you for being smart and you’ll feel obliged to dumb yourself down to fit with the people around you but you have to remember that’s a reflection on them, not you. You don’t have to pretend you’re not clever to impress friends and much less boys. You are going to meet people in your life that are going to make you feel like you have to mute your personality for them.
It is okay to be academic – in fact it is a gift that you should be embracing.
- Bad grades don’t make you worthless
The one is important. GCSEs/A Levels/your degree are going to present challenges that are going to be hard to deal with. Your grades aren’t always going to be as high as you want them. The pressure you put on yourself will take you to some dark places. You will compare yourself to every single person around you and still wind up bottom of the pile in your head. But the major takeaway from this point is that a number on a page of an exam you sat does not define you, your true academic ability or the rest of the journey you take. It doesn’t matter that you took an extra year to complete your A Levels – although at the time it definitely felt like the end of the world. That extra year gave you the growth and a few much needed life lessons which made going to university SO MUCH EASIER. Everything happens for a reason – remember that.
- It’s all going to be okay in the end
Patience is not something you naturally have (don’t worry, it does get slightly better as you get older) but life has a beautiful way of working out exactly how it needs to. You’ve just got to ride out the bad bits too – those bad bits make you more grateful for the best bits. Life would be boring if everything you ever wanted to happen, happened instantly. Be patient, ride the wave out and trust that everything will work out how it is meant to in the end.
- Your current circumstances don’t define the rest of your life
It’s no secret that in the eyes of the education system, the odds were against you becoming something worthwhile in society – a mixed race kid from a dysfunctional single parent family who had moved house more times than she could remember. But not one of those ‘notable characteristics’ on your record at school ever hindered your motivation, drive and most importantly determination to do exactly what you want to do. You almost definitely will have to work a little harder than most other people. And you’ll have to be prepared for teachers to tell you to “set your goals lower” because they don’t believe in your ability. But at no point did you ever let your current circumstances define what you could do in the future. You took all those reasons that statistically went against you being something wonderful and used them as motivation to become everything you dreamed of and more, and for that I am so proud of younger you. The best part is that you now get to use this platform to show other young girls that their circumstances don’t define their journey through life!
- It’s okay to have a life outside of your school work
There will be people you meet in life that are going to make you feel bad for not spending every waking moment thinking about academia or career progression (think Molly-Mae preaching that we all having the same 24-hours in a day). Letting your hair down is just as important as the serious stuff. No degree, course or job is worth putting life on hold for. You are going to go through phases where your mental health is on the floor and it’s going to be the life you’ve built outside of academia that gets you through the dark times. So go out, have fun, make friends and keep the balance!
- Let it go
Holding on to things and staying angry is going to eat you up inside. Let it go. One of the biggest life lessons you’ll learn is that sometimes you’re going to need to be the bigger person, swallow your pride and move on. Not everything is worth worrying about and you’ll be much happier if you stop sweating the small stuff.
- It’s not a race
There isn’t a one size fits all timeline of events that you need to complete in a certain time to be defined ‘successful’. Your lack of patience will cause you to get frustrated when things are taking longer than you wanted them to (your PhD will definitely be your biggest test for this) but life is not an extreme sport. Things don’t have to happen in record time for you to feel satisfied. So, it takes you an extra year to get to university and all your friends graduate a while before you (thank you 5 year degree), but the takeaway from that situation is that you complete it in the end and that’s literally all that really matters! You are no less successful than your friends because you were still at university while most of them had set up careers for themselves. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to get to a destination, as long as you’re happy when you get there. And trust me, you are so happy when you get there.
“It doesn’t matter how long it takes to get to a destination, as long as you’re happy when you get there”
- Look after your mind
Your mental health journey isn’t going to be an easy one. There will be dark times and there will be times where you feel on top of the world. The best thing you can do is look after your mind (and body). Your brain is important, feed it well and treat it even better. You will always be tough on yourself – your own worst enemy – but start recognising when to give yourself a break. Say kind things to yourself. Get your body moving in ways you actually enjoy. Get an early night every once in a while (!!!). Just love yourself like you would love your best friends.
- Set boundaries that suit you
Setting boundaries is something you still struggle with at 24 (almost 25) years old – in both your personal and professional life. You make yourself available to everyone 24 hours a day and at the cost of what? Your sleep? Your mental health? Your own sanity? All of the above, probably. Letting yourself say no to something, doesn’t make you weak. It gives you the opportunity to define what you are comfortable doing and ultimately allows you to protect your own feelings. It’s also important to remember that the boundaries you set are allowed to change as you grow and learn and become more comfortable in your own skin – no one owns your body or mind, except you.
- Love yourself as much as you love others
You are so quick to put other people first, to pull other people out of down periods, to shower other people in compliments – and that’s not a bad quality – but your own self love is just as important. It’s not quite something you’ve mastered yet – again definitely something your current self still needs to listen to !! You can’t provide the love you so heavily wish to give others if you don’t first love yourself. So, practise those positive affirmations even if they make you cringe so hard to start with and be gentle to yourself. You deserve your own love as much as everyone else.
“You can’t provide the love you so heavily wish to give others if you don’t first love yourself.”
- Change is good
You are going to go through real turning points in your life – think full 180 moments where life picks you up, shakes you and chucks you back in a direction you didn’t see coming. It may not feel like it at the time but it is a good thing. Each moment will ultimately define where you end up – and trust me, the path you end up on is a great place to be!
A common theme through most of these points is mental health and wellness. This reflective blog post has been great at highlighting, for me, the most important way we can encourage girls into STEM and that is simply by supporting them. It is well known that not only are high achievers at a greater risk of suffering with ill mental health but that women between the ages of 16 and 24 are almost three times as likely (26%) to experience a common mental health issue as males of the same age (9%) [1][2]. With high stress levels, Imposter Syndrome, lack of confidence, predominantly male classes and limited female role models, girls with an interest in STEM are faced with huge barriers to overcome before they even reach their career.
I’ve always been lucky to have the most amazing support network around me to remind me of these things when times get tough. This post is for anyone who doesn’t have the same support network, anyone who just needs reminding to reach out, or anyone that would benefit from finding 12 things to tell their 12 year old self.
All my love, Meg x
[1] – https://everymindatwork.com/high-achievers-and-mental-health/
[2] – https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/statistics/mental-health-statistics-men-and-women
Girls Who STEM 