TW: r*pe; death; assault; violence; Sarah Everard
So just over a week ago we celebrated International Women’s Day. A day dedicated to celebrating the incredible things women do every day. In the same week a man accused a woman of lying about having suicidal thoughts, on national television. And also in that same week, a policeman kidnapped and murdered an innocent woman as she walked home from a friends house.
Social media has been a wave of news, statistics, opinions and people sharing their own stories of sexual harassment and abuse. In short, it’s been a heavy week or two and I’ve definitely found myself getting completely consumed with everything. I’ve felt there is a lot of pressure to engage and share things on social media but for each thing you read, the news feels even harder to process. First things first, if social media is beginning to negatively impact your mental health, take a break. I can’t stress it enough. The power of social media can be amazing to lead movements but it can also be overwhelming and frankly toxic at times.
The murder of Sarah Everard has been something that really hit home. I’ve found myself getting very emotional about the whole situation. My heart hurts thinking about what she must have been feeling in her final moments. A woman, who did everything we are taught to, was murdered by someone in a position of authority. Sarah wore bright clothes. She stuck to main roads. She phoned her boyfriend. She wore trainers. It was 9:30pm. If this has been a few months later, it would still be light outside.
We live in a world now, where woman are taught how to not be raped. Let that sink in for a minute. From a fairly young age I was aware of how dangerous walking alone at night could be. I never wore headphones in the dark, so I was aware of my surroundings and always always walk along with a key between my fingers.
What is scary is the clear misogynistic views that so many men have. The “casual jokes” in the group chat. The disrespectful comments thrown about to women who heaven forbid, reject them. The catcalling. The disregard for personal space in a club. The shear presumption that because a girl so much as looks at you, that she’s yours for the taking.
We’ve got into a habit of congratulating men for doing the bare minimum. Being ‘good dads’ for seeing their kids. Being a ‘great partner’ for not cheating or being abusive and for clearing up after themselves. Being ‘good men’ because they don’t behave in a sexist, derogatory way towards women. When did standards become so low for men? And why are women just supposed to accept it?
Something I feel is essential to address is the #notallmen hashtag predominately used on Twitter.
Firstly, we don’t need you to point out that it isn’t all men, we know it isn’t. But when over 50% of the population live in constant fear walking alone, it is a problem that effects everyone – which includes all men. Additionally, 97% of women have experienced sexual harassment. 97%. Let that sink in. That means it’s very very likely that most of the women in your life, that you care for and love, have been sexually harassed. Why wouldn’t you want to fight that statistic? When it affects so many women, it of course by virtue, affects you. And by arguing that not all men sexually assault women suggests that you want a pat on the back for respecting a women? Which is the bare minimum. You should be doing that anyway. So here is your pat on the back, if that’s what you want, now it’s time to be an ally. Here are some things you can do to help:
1. LISTEN. I’ve said it in a previous blog post and I’ll say it again; you cannot guess the views of women, you cannot fix something you don’t first listen and understand.
2. Just because you are not congruent with the experiences does not mean they do not occur. Just because they have no happened to you, someone you know, or you have not witnessed them first hand does not mean they don’t happen. Just because you’ve never been bitten by a snake does not mean snake bites do not occur and are not lethal. You get the point? A woman’s experience is not up for debate.
3. SPEAK UP. Please. Please please speak up. If you witness something you know is making someone feel uncomfortable then SAY SOMETHING. Boys inherently listen to other boys – an issue many many women in STEM face actually. But you have the power to stick up for us. Additionally, if you see a girl being harassed, go and support her. You could pretend to be a friend, a family member, a colleague, literally anyone.
4. Stop catcalling, wolf whistling, beeping your car horn. Stop sending girls nudes in your group chat. Stop rating girls for their looks in your group chat.
5. If you see a girl walking by themselves, try your best to not make them feel even more uncomfortable than they already feel. She will already be playing worst case scenarios in her head. Leave some distance between you both or cross the road. Don’t walk at the same pace as her as it will intimidate her.
6. @ your pals !!! Call them out. If one of the boys has posted something in the group chat that is inappropriate or mysoginistic then call 👏🏽 them 👏🏽 out. Call out men who make any vile comment about a woman in any situation. At no point is it ok or can be treated as a joke. The quicker men stop making jokes at a woman’s expense, the quicker we see change.
For the men who will inevitably be butt hurt by this post; no one is saying your mental health isn’t important. No one is saying that men aren’t abused too. No one is saying that some women aren’t vile to men. And if you feel that strongly about it then please by all means campaign and rally to get your voice heard. But you don’t need to do it by discrediting women’s thoughts and feelings. It’s time to be an ally to women.
This blog post has, for me, been a way of expressing my frustrations at the world we are currently living in. It is not another man hating post in the slightest. Men hold the key to changing the current environment women live in – therefore I am asking for your help. Asking you to be better for the women in your life. To call out men who degrade women. To support us in making a better, safer world to live in.
Girls Who STEM 