Girls Who… are Confident

hey, hello, hi!

So… confidence. One thing I can confidently say is confidence was not on my list of strengths. In fact it’s something I’ve really struggled with and let completely consume me. Actually to the point where it’s caused a massive amount of Imposters Syndrome.

Honestly, I’ve convinced myself that I’m unworthy of doing my degree (despite working my damn BUTT off for my place); unworthy of my Year in Industry Placement; unworthy of the grades I’ve achieved; unworthy of letting anyone love me; unworthy of happiness. You name it, I’ve felt it. If you’re reading this, and can resonate with these feelings, long story short: IT GETS BETTER, I promise.

As I mentioned previously, I’m in my fifth year of my degree. Five years at university is tough to summarise it quickly. At times it’s really been mentally draining. But something inside me changed this year and the girl who battled to finish her 3rd year exams last year was completely different to the girl who started her masters the following September.

After experiencing a really tough summer (COVID-19 and lockdown 47.2 in the UK really got to me) something inside me clicked. I returned to university and I had confidence in what I was doing for the first time in.. well probably in as long as I can remember. This blog post was never going to be a “follow these 10 tips to grow your confidence” – sorry if that’s what you were here for. But I did notice a few things that had changed that I want to share with you.

The number 1 thing I will preach FOREVER is surrounding yourself with people who support you. I went AWOL all summer and my poor friends will have witnessed first hand the ‘left on read’ messages and the flakiness… But after I spent time healing and checked back in with the people who had took time to message me all summer despite rarely getting a reply, it made me realise that it isn’t the quantity of people you have around, it really is the quality. Now please don’t think I’m telling you to go AWOL and see who hangs around because I’m really not. But what I am saying, is look around you and see who supports your goals and dreams. Who is gonna gas you up when you aren’t feeling yourself? Who is gonna support your dreams when you know they’re a good idea but are battling with your own self sabotage coping mechanism. Surround yourself with people who can see you for how truly incredible you are and I can guarantee soon enough you will start to believe it too.

Ok, so this next one is cliche and I’m already cringing at it but self help (style) books/podcasts/audio books. Once you read/listen to your first one, you’ll never look back. I’m gonna do a full self help book guide (honestly they’re that good) but there are LOADS – it’s actually almost a trend these days, grab a self help book and an indie insta filter and you’re basically an influencer. But seriously, there is something about reading a piece of information or a trick or a habit and applying it to your life that just sticks. My favourites so far are: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, Calm by Ferne Cotton and I’m currently listening to the Atomic Habits audiobook which so far I have LOVED. Anyway, my point about self help books is how much they normalise bad feelings and bad habits but provide you with real life solutions. No one needs to be told to wake up at 5am every morning, do 723 burpees, only drink green tea and only walk on the right side of the road (ok I made that one up) to “find your inner self”. But altering your everyday habits to improve your health and wellbeing will in turn, automatically boost your confidence.

Additionally, and potentially most importantly is realising that the world isn’t going to end if you make a mistake. In fact, nothing even close to that is gonna happen. Lack of confidence stems from fear of making a mistake. Yet making mistakes directly results in learning? No one has any issues with learning and expanding their knowledge yet when it comes to making mistakes, no one wants to know. For Christmas last year I got a little pin badge with the quote “She believed she could, so she did” and while I agree it may not be easy to just “believe” you can do something, what I take from the quote is having no fear to do something. Taking the fear of failure out of the situation, just leaves all the room for completing the task. Make all the mistakes and learn from every single one of them.

I lacked confidence because I thought so negatively about myself, the way I felt and my ability to do anything good. You don’t just wake up one morning confident. And I don’t believe confidence is a ‘skill’ you can learn. Instead, using the techniques above, confidence comes when you’re content with the way you are. Through a stable support network, learning to be ok with your feelings and working on understanding what makes you feel good and why, confidence can be LEARNT. Now go out there and be fearless girls, you got this.

All my love, Meg x

P.S on a more light hearted note: for anyone who shares my love for quiz shows.. check out Gorden Ramsey’s new show Bank Balance (on BBC) which combines quiz shows and Newtonian physics !!! (I know how exciting)